Ten Years Ago

Tomorrow marks the 10th anniversary from the day where God miraculously snatched me out of a worldly, hopeless, and--contrary to my perception at the time--Godless state of spiritual death. For those of you who don't know, in the months leading up to this point in my life, I was 20, looking forward to being of legal drinking age. I had always had that tendency to think that my life would be complete if this or that happened. 21 was going to be what completed me. So I thought; I was dead-in-my-sins wrong. God had been graciously showing me, in the days leading up to my 21st birthday, that the way of the world was futile. No matter how hard I would party, no matter how drunk or how high I could get, and no matter how many "friends" I had around me, I was never content; there was a part of me telling me that there had to be more to life than this. I would hear my friends boast about how many girls they were sleeping with as they went out to different bars and parties. It seemed like a vicious and empty cycle to me, fully devoid of any true companionship--and true love. Honestly, it seemed shameful and depraved. I now realize more than ever that God was exceedingly merciful in revealing that to me before I ever truly knew Him. Scripture talks of God giving people over to a sinful and depraved mind. My mind was certainly depraved, but the Spirit was obviously at work. So, my 21st birthday hit. I got out of work, went to my parents house for dinner, and watched the Gonzaga Bulldogs beat the Florida Gators in the Sweet 16 on a last second tip-in. I do get teary-eyed when I remember that game, but not nearly as much as I do when I ponder God's amazing grace toward me ten days later.

My parents bought some kind of hard cider to celebrate my birthday. They raised a toast. I don't remember the exact words, but I remember sensing deeply that my parents understood that I was now a man and that they were letting me go, trusting in the God to whom they had prayed regarding my soul for countless days, even years. As they let me go, my mind was on hitting the bar scene for the first time. All of my drinking buddies took me out over the next three nights. I don't even want to describe how ridiculously intoxicated I was. It didn't seem to wear off during the day. So, I had my initiation into the bar scene. I was apparently a very happy and entertaining drunk, but I don't remember any happiness or entertainment, just intense discontentment when I woke up and regret for the immense stupidity on my drunken behalf.

My bar scene days lasted ten days, by God's grace. It was a Saturday night, March 27th, and I was out with one of those friends who always showed up when he didn't have any money, alcohol, or drugs of his own--a mooch! I saw so clearly how I was this guy's launching pad to a great Saturday night. I had a full-time job and a lot of money for a single guy. That night, it became so clear to me how I was looking for a love that I could not find. I have always cherished loyal friends and companionship, and the party scene didn't offer any of it. There were plenty of people, but they didn't care about me; they just appreciated the shared thrills or whatever you want to call it. My friend and I headed back to his apartment after a good three to four hours of drinking (all on my tab) to meet up with a friend who had some weed. We smoked for a good hour. My head started to spin and the people in the room were like ghosts to me. I got up, said a quick goodbye, and, out of stupidity, got into my car and drove the two blocks from his apartment to my own which I shared with a Christian friend. I always made a point of getting home late at night so he wouldn't see me so drunk and stoned.

As I got out of the car, I vomitted everything that I drank that night into the parking space next to mine. I knew that I was one of the most pathetic sights on the face of the earth. When the vomitting ended, I walked toward my apartment, disillusioned with life and wanting to die. Little did I know that I was going to "die" the next day.

Sunday morning, March 28th, 1999, arrived, and I wanted to go to church. I had been going to church more regularly since I had moved in with my roommate. (I have recently talked to this now brother-in-Christ, and he told me that one of the young leaders at our church told him it would be a mistake for him to room with me. It was not! Praise God for believers who will go after those whom other believers label as hopeless tax collectors. This roommate also encouraged me to attend a college-aged small group. At this group, I was compelled to start studying the Bible so that I would understand what was going on when I attended. The leader of the group, who is now my brother-in-law, was the man whom God used to give me a desire to read the Word.) Let me get back to that wonderful Sunday morning almost ten years ago. I cleaned myself up, got into my car, and drove to church. I never prayed a prayer, but I definitely felt the Lord speaking to me. He told me that my life was going to be empty and even deadly as long as I kept running from Him and not surrending to His will and the Holy Spirit. Finally, I just said, "God, take me; I want to be yours. I can't do this on my own. Please help me! Please send me someone to show me the way." That was the pivotal moment in my life. Life had actually begun. Faith came by hearing and hearing from the word of God. This might sound corny to some people, but God really did send me a sign that morning at church. A godly man approached me that day and asked if I would like to start meeting with him on a weekly basis starting that afternoon. I was thrilled and said yes. God had heard my prayer and immediately sent someone to help show me the way. We went through some kind of book that dealt with confronting yourself for your sin, and it exposed me to lots of different jewels in Scripture. Finally, God was bringing to my redeemed memory verses that I had heard many times but never understood due to the lack of the Holy Spirit's illumination. God quickly helped me to understand a lot of Scripture and graciously caused those verses to bear fruit in my life. I am iron-clad proof of 2 Corinthians 5:17.

Almost ten years later--becoming a youth leader, going on two short-term mission trips to share the gospel in Europe, falling in love and marrying my soul mate, graduating from college, having our first son, moving to Arizona, becoming a teacher, buying and losing a home, having our daughter, living without my wife for eight weeks while she was stuck in the hospital, and seeing our beautiful second son born about three months early--I see so clearly that God is faithful to work in, through, and around us. He uses "all things" for our good and for His glory. He saved me. He chose me. He clothes me in His glory. I deserve none of this. All of these words are a testimony of God's grace in my life. I am a drunken, girl-chasing, self-pitying nobobody. He opened my eyes to the futility of this world. By Christ's wounds I am healed, and I am sealed by His Spirit.

Tomorrow, I hope to record a new rap song about the first ten years of my life in Christ. Please check out my music page and let me know what you think. Just to let you know, it is rap! I will try to have it up by tomorrow afternoon. God bless.

http://myspace.com/joshuagilchrist

My Thoughts on the State of the Broncos

So, after being enthusiastically thrilled to see Pat Bowlen finally cut Mike Shanahan loose, the last couple weeks have been a disappointment to me. The new 32-year-old head coach, Josh McDaniels, who hasn't done anything other than be an offensive coordinator under a coaching legend in New England, was interested in making a multiple-team trade, dealing Jay Cutler to Tampa Bay and receiving quarterback Matt Cassell. The Kansas City Chiefs ended up trading for Cassell, and the Broncos never made the trade. Situation over, right? Not by a long shot.

Jay Cutler, rightfully feeling a little snubbed by the brand new coach wanting to bring in his own guy (Cassell had a breakout season in 2008 with McDaniels as his offensive coordinator), said that he was upset about it. Then, Cutler went on to say that he understood how the NFL is a business, and the players are, basically, pieces of meat. It seemed like a fair reaction for a Pro Bowl quarterback to feel upset, and it appeared that Cutler had a good perspective about how players are tossed around in this league. Cutler has made things worse himself the past few weeks, and he can no longer blame the new head coach, in my opinion.

The team wanted to have a sit-down with Cutler right away to try to bury the hatchet, but Cutler postponed it, showing that he wanted to mope some more. Cutler also put his house on the market, making it clear that he intends to be living somewhere other than Denver in the near future. Cutler has skipped the first team meeting as well as a workout. He is now demanding a trade. These actions communicate that Cutler refuses to reconcile with his team and new head coach, and it also shows that he truly does not understand the way that the "business" side of the NFL works.

Many people in Denver and across Bronco Country are probably saying that they saw this coming when Shanahan was fired. Hindsight is 20/20, and no one could have seen this coming. I have heard about coaches and their quarterbacks not getting along--ever hear of John Elway and Dan Reeves? However, Josh McDaniels is like the quarterback in this situation; his confidence, worship, or praise that he throws at his individual players are his proverbial passes. Jay Cutler is the disgruntled, arrogant wide receiver who is not happy with how often he is getting the ball and is now throwing a hissy fit, demanding a trade. This is not typical behavior from a quarterback.

In Cutler's defense, I think he got a bad deal with the Bronco's brand new coach coming in and, more or less, communicating that he would rather have Cassell, a potential one-hit-wonder, over Cutler, whose skills seem to be improving each year. It definitely shows a lack of respect when a new boss comes into any workplace and shows little sensitivity to the people who have established themselves as an ever-important cog in the wheel. I heard somebody try to spin McDaniels' desire to acquire Cassell as the new coach's way of saying, "There is nobody who is untradeable on this team." It is a potential technique to motivate the players. However, Josh McDaniels, this totally backfired on you, didn't it. That stunt might work if you are Bill Parcells, Bill Belichick, or Bill Cowher. In case you haven't checked, your name isn't Bill, and you haven't won a single game as a head coach. Celebrity football players like Jay Cutler aren't going to respect a 32-year-old rookie head coach coming in and trying to shake things up in such a manner.

Additionally, I think the trade would have been awful. I would much rather have Jay Cutler and his skill set over Matt Cassell's. To me, this just looks like another case of some guy getting a new job and trying to take his own guys with him. Conveniently, McDaniels thought that he could get Cassell since he was just a temp for the injured Tom Brady. No offense to Matt Cassell, but time is the best assessor of super-stardom. McDaniels should have considered these points before he did what he did. He should have also known that Cutler, who can't even take Philip Rivers talking trash about him, would consider this as a personal affront and as a slap in the face. They should have either pulled the trigger on the trade, or they should have never mentioned it. Now, McDaniels and the Denver Bronco organization can do nothing but claim that they wanted Jay Cutler all along because their is no longer anyone else available who comes close to Cutler as far as talent is concerned.

But talent will only get you so far. Cutler is missing a couple of things. Killer instinct is one, and the other, as evidenced by Cutler's childish reaction, is maturity. When I look at all of the good quarterbacks in the NFL, there is always a level of maturity and an understanding that being mature is a prerequisite to leading an NFL team as its quarterback. They have to be able to handle adversity. When things go wrong, the quarterback is the first person to be blamed. The quarterback is often heavily scrutinized. What does the current situation reveal about Cutler's ability to be scrutinized and handle adversity? He thinks no one has a right to criticize him, and he obviously cannot bounce back from difficulty or unfortunate circumstances. It seems like someone with maturity would be pretty motivated to go out and show his new boss that he was wrong about him, not mope around, throw a pity party, and blame it on no one wanting him as Jay Cutler has done.

Cutler thinks being lauded by people in the media for his rocket arm and one Pro Bowl season should make him immune to facing any scrutiny. Here are some reasons why Cutler deserves every bit of scrutiny that he faces. First, as I mentioned before, Cutler does not have the killer instinct. All Denver needed to do last season was win one of their last three games to clinch the division. Instead, they lost the last three games, finished 8-8, and missed the playoffs. People are quick to defend Cutler by saying that the defense was to blame. There is a lot of truth to that; however, a quarterback who doesn't deserve to be scrutinized would have the drive and killer instinct to put at least one of those three teams away (especially Buffalo--come on!). Next, Cutler does have a good arm and some great scrambling tendencies. He is fun to watch and he did deserve to be in the Pro Bowl. He was still inconsistent this past season, and he did throw the ball an inordinant amount of times due to all of the injuries in the backfield. Finally, Jay Cutler's record as the starting quarterback for the Denver Broncos is a losing one. The ego should go out the door right there.

Jay Cutler needs to grow up. His present attitude shows that he certainly lacks the ability to bounce back from adverse situations. Just because he was christened the franchise quarterback doesn't give him a free pass from all of the challenges that NFL quarterbacks face. I am no Denver Broncos Kool Aid drinker; I am highly critical of players, coaches, and attitudes that are bad for the team. If Cutler would have the maturity to bounce back from this and move on, I would be more than happy. Like I said, he is the best man for the job. The problem is that he needs to start acting like a man, not mimicking the cool kid in junior high who gets an attitude because someone else is getting more attention than him.

My Thoughts on the New U2

Okay, so, if you didn't know this already, I am a big U2 freak. I have found that most people who like U2 are ultra-enthusiastic as I am. I haven't run into many casual U2 fans. People tend to love them or hate them. I fall deep into the former category. I own all of their studio albums, I went to a music store for the midnight release of All That You Can't Leave Behind, I own a couple of their DVDs, I have the book, U2 by U2, and I am writing a post about them. So, it is important to understand that I am a hardcore fan--I just haven't joined their fan club yet; that's next on the list. My review of their newest album is very biased because of my passion for this band.

No Line on the Horizon, U2's newest release, is a unique album. I am pleased with it, but I do think that it will probably be received with mixed reactions. U2 purists may see it as over-produced and rushed while U2 Kool Aid drinkers like me will laud and applaud it. I think a number of elements really work on this album:

First, you can find elements from many different U2 albums on No Line on the Horizon. I thought that the first song, titled the same as the album, had an Achtung... sort of feel whereas "The Moment of Surrender" (my personal favorite) and "White as Snow" have hints of the greatness that was found in All That You Can't Leave Behind. You can hear sounds that are reminiscent of The Unforgettable Fire and War in other tracks, and you get a heavy dose of their mid-90's sound, which I am sure will be a bad thing for some people as Zooropa and Pop are not U2's most beloved albums.

Next, the vocals are beautiful as always, and the band does more harmonizing than they have traditionally, and I find it very enjoyable. U2 seems to be trying to be innovative while maintaining their true sound; I thought the album seemed slightly different, but it still has the U2 magic.

Finally, I always enjoy Bono's lyric writing. Bono communicates enigmatic, intentionally cheesy, and deeply vulnerable lines throughout the album that communicate his feelings on celebrity status, God, war, terrorism, and his own critics. Certain songs like "White as Snow" are powerfully packed with Biblical allusions. Other songs communicate that Bono is very thankful for his "calling." However you view U2's frontman, a close examination of his lyrics reveal a very fascinating man: he is a man who loves his life and hates his life simultaneously, he is a man who acknowledges what Christ did at the cross yet tries to achieve his own righteousness and pass it on to the world, and he is a man who knows how big he is yet suffers from intense insecurity laced with humility.

My only gripes are that the song, "Get on Your Boots," should have been titled "Vertigo 2"; it sounds totally unoriginal. And "...Boots" is an example of songs where they may have tried a little too hard with looping and other production techniques.

Overall, I believe that this is an album that will get better with use. I have found, personally, that U2's albums become more enjoyable the more you listen to them.

Besides, it isn't fair to expect them to make an Achtung Baby or a Joshua Tree on every single album.

Don't Take Anything for Granted!

My beautiful wife has been in the hospital for 38 days now. She is in good hands and is there for a good reason, but it has been the hardest trial that we have ever experienced. We have lived in a new apartment for five weeks now, and she has never stepped foot through the door. A house doesn’t make a home. I have done my best to be the father, husband, errand runner, and temporary worker at home that I can be without my wife. The support that she has been able to give with practical things that she can do from her hospital bed has been invaluable to me, not to mention the spiritual encouragement she has been.

Needless to say, my life has been completely consumed by working, taking many trips to the hospital, and caring for our family and home. We have had so much help from our church and from people at my work. We have needed every bit of it. Praise God for the way he provides for our needs. The children and I have been stricken with various ailments of the physical nature, and these have made the trial all the more difficult. I find myself relating to the passage in 2 Corinthians 12 where Paul asks God to remove his “thorn in the flesh” multiple times and God replies, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is perfected in weakness.” I desire to also relate to the passage where Paul boasts in the trials so that “the power of Christ” might dwell in Him.

Earlier this week, I was reflecting on all of the things in my life that used to seem so easy and free. With our current situation, our lives have been anything but easy, and free time is sleep time. I find myself complaining and pitying myself because I am not able to do the things in life that I not only enjoyed but also the things that are needs like going to church and small group on a regular basis, especially with my wife. Especially as a family.

I think that I have rights. The only real right that I have can be inferred from my position as a human being, who, “by nature,” is one of many “children of wrath.” God, in His matchless mercy and grace, has blessed me not only with every spiritual gift in the heavenly places, but He has provided so many earthly blessings to me as well. I have not appreciated those things the way that I should. To quote some famous butt-rock song, “You don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone.” Here are some of the things that I have taken for granted before this trial began:

1. I have not fully appreciated all that my wonderful helper, wife, and best friend does for me. Prior to this trial, she was pregnant, working part-time, taking our two kids to her mother’s before and after work, and making wonderful meals. I don’t know how you do it, Pam. I pray that I can be more of a support to her when God chooses to restore our family.
2. I have taken for granted the fact that every day there exists the opportunity to serve the needs of others. There are needy people all around. We often hear about the needs, and our hearts hurt for the people. We intend to do something, and we often say that we will do something. Unfortunately, we let “our” busy schedules or just “our” own preferences prevent those good intentions from bearing any fruit. I am ashamed at how many opportunities I have missed to just go, without the person asking me, to visit that person who is suffering and going through a trial, helping them in any way that I can. I hope to change this when God chooses to bring an end to this trial.
3. I have taken for granted the freedom to go into the world and preach the gospel. I am encouraged by the strategic ways that people in our church are going out and doing this on Saturday nights. I used to tell myself, about two to three months ago, that I would go out and join these men when we moved closer to town. All I had to do back then was drive 45 minutes. Now, I am the only person at home to watch the kids, so getting out is impossible. Thankfully, I live right next to a park where lots of families go to take the kids to play. There are opportunities for the gospel there. In addition, I am in a position in life that makes my co-workers cringe when I explain it to them. This is a perfect opportunity to tell them about the power of Christ sustaining me. God willing, I will be able to join my brothers in their strategic, God-glorifying efforts one day.
4. I have taken for granted the freedom I used to have to go to church as a family.
5. I have taken normal health for granted.
6. I have not appreciated the ability to spend time in the word uninterrupted or at a time when I am not completely exhausted and unmotivated.
7. I have taken for granted the opportunities that I used to have to care for my body by going jogging, biking, or hiking.
8. I have taken for granted the godly men, from my past, who would meet with me weekly and shepherd my heart in a personal way. I miss those days.

By God’s grace, these are some of the things that I have not taken for granted:

1. I have an indescribable appreciation for those from our church body who have deeply and personally cared for our needs. From an overstuffed refrigerator, to trips to parks with other families, to an anonymous gift of a ridiculous amount of money, to many visitors on my wife’s behalf, to babysitting, we thank you all and praise God for you all everyday. Thank you to each and every one of you who has genuinely labored to love us steadily through this trial. God is glorified in this.
2. My in-laws are amazing. I could not have asked for two better parents-in-law. They have done the most as far as caring for the kids go, and they have done it all in a joyful and willing way.
3. My parents and my sister have been faithful prayer warriors and lifelines during this time.
4. My brother, Chris Buckingham, in Seattle has been the closest friend to me during this trial. I praise God for the way that you are bearing this burden with us. It is evident through your phone calls and Facebook messages.
5. I appreciate everyone’s Facebook messages and encouragements. I could use some more.
6. Many of my sweet 9th grade students faithfully ask me how my wife and the baby are doing. This means so much to me.
7. My children, Joshua and Nadine, are the most amazing gift from God (I am tearing up as I type this). They are filled with joy, and they have been the easiest kids to have to deal with in the midst of this seemingly impossible task. I am their father, but they have inspired me. God teaches me so much through their sweet and loving dispositions.
8. I am thankful for all of the prayers that are being lifted up on our behalf.
9. I am thankful that God has placed our family in a position to be a testimony to the church and to the lost world even though it is an excruciatingly painful position for me.
10. I have learned to look forward to heaven, my true home, with longing and anticipation in the midst of suffering. It is a place where God will wipe away every tear, where we will be like Him because we will see Him as He really is, and where we will always be with the Lord.

I regret that it has taken a big trial like this for me to see so many things that I take for granted, but I rejoice that God is teaching me and refining me (hopefully). Take time to not only, but most importantly, praise God for who He is and what He has done, but thank Him for all of the blessings of life. Whether you eat, drink, sleep, share the gospel, go jogging, enjoy a ballgame or a cup of coffee, do all to the glory of God. Praise Him by acknowledging, in the midst of all of those things, that “Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of Lights, with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow” (James 1:17).

Be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might.