Trials (Lyrics)

What is the meaning of trials? I want to be
Constantly gleaming with smiles—glad company.
Alas, this is not the case. A bitter taste
Sours my expression. Here’s reflection on these days:
After two easy pregnancies, the third wasn’t a charm.
My wife in the hospital seven weeks; IVs in her arm.
A family divided. Me taking care of two kids,
Ages two and three-and-a-half wondering where mommy is.
One illness after another. Nights without wife and mother.
The loss of her income. God, I’m feeling smothered.
I felt so alone. No time to spend with friends.
And not too many called. What is wrong with Christian men?
The wife is finally home, but our newborn son remains,
Three months premature. Man, it pours when it rains.
As if that weren’t enough, I just lost my job.
I do not see no [sic] hope unless my hope is all in God

Count it Joy (Count it Joy)! How can I (How can I)
Count it Joy when every hope seems to die?
It’s just a moment! One day even I,
Each tear wiped from my eye, will be caught up to the sky.

Picture me, now. About 740 BC
In the year Uzziah died was the day I got to see
The One of whom angels cry “Holy, holy, holy!
All earth’s full of His glory!" Hear my brief story:
I was commissioned to call the calloused to account,
Knowing they’d be destroyed in their sins, and no amount
Of God-inspired words from my coal-cleansed lips would change
Those who love tradition with hearts far out of range.
I got to show an irreverent king a sign from high:
A virgin shall be with Child. He’ll be the Suffering Servant guy.
Assyria and Babylon closing in fast.
High places, kings usurping priests, no one held fast
To the word of the Holy One of Israel.
Not many brothers came my way to wish me well.
And with the death of a king who paid me a little mind,
The new king is Mannasseh, the Nero of Palestine.
Worship of Jehovah is faux pas under this king.
Micah and I tried to warn him that this was not a good thing.
How long, o Lord, the streets are flooded with a bloodbath.
The king of your chosen people’s gonna saw me in half.

Count it Joy (Count it Joy)! Here am I (Here am I)
To do your will till I’m caught up to the sky.
It’s just a moment! One day even I
Will bless some hurting guy who reads of God’s work through my life.



I left my throne to be forsaken and alone.
What was rightly mine I did not grasp as my own.
From a lowly manger smelling of urine and dung
To the tree on Calvary where my broken body hung.
Nowhere to lie my head at night after long days.
In me alone was the Light and peace and grace,
But the leaders of my people straight smirked in my face.
My yoke they would not take. The Bread of Life they would not taste.
Even after signs and wonders and proclamation,
I wept for this nation that didn’t see its visitation.
And my own disciples were so dull in their hearing
Of the things the Christ must suffer as the days were nearing.
My Father hid His eyes. My flesh was torn. Betrayed by friends.
Nailed to a cross next to criminals. Thorns pierced my head.
You should shed tears as you hear my story.
My suffering has purchased an eternal weight of glory

When it rains...

Life has been so challenging, and it just got all the more difficult. The state of Arizona is cutting its education spending. State legislators are taking their sweet time letting school districts know exactly how much. They have until June 30th to make their budgets; unfortunately, school districts have a "responsibility" to inform their teachers whether or not they will have jobs next year by April 15th. Many districts are expecting the worst. It would be nice if the elected officials understood the ramifications of lolly-gagging around about their budgets, and it would be equally nice if districts didn't feel the need to do everything by the book when people's careers are at stake. Regardless, my district is letting about 200 teachers go, and I am one of them. Once they get their budgets from the legislature, they will probably try to rehire as many people as they can. However, I personally think it is ludicrous to expect people to sit around and hope they get their jobs back. People have families to think about and need to move on. I intend to move on. I know that sounds stubborn, but it is also stubborn for a district to not keep its word about doing all it can to avoid having to cut jobs. I would be fine if they waited until they knew for sure before they told me I didn't have a job.

It is very bittersweet for me. We have prayed for a long time about moving back to Spokane. Around Christmas time, we were pretty committed to doing it this summer. However, so much has happened since then. My wife had to be on bedrest in an antepartum room for seven and a half weeks before she had to have an emergency c-section to deliver our son, Isaiah, almost three months early. She lost her income, and I used up all of my sick leave taking care of sick kids while she was in the hospital. She and the kids qualified for state health insurance due to our circumstances. With all that has happened and the economy's current dismal condition, we decided that we would try to stay another year since I had a teaching job and since she and the three kids have free insurance. I had finally found a place where I enjoyed teaching. I actually looked forward to teaching there another year. I also looked forward to another year with sweeet and loving brothers and sisters in Christ from our church here in Arizona as well. I am so blessed by the way that they have loved my wife and my kids.

So, our plans are very uncertain. I am full of doubts and fears right now, but I think that this certainly opens the door, wide open, to return to Pam's and my hometown. It is the place where we want to raise our family and settle down. Arizona has been very lonely for me and a place full of what seems like endless trials. I know that there will certainly be trials in Spokane, especially considering the current economic predicament, but I am willing to do anything to provide for my family. I believe that there will be some thing--probably a number of things to support a family of five--for me to do as far as work is concerned. It is very scary. Health insurance is a huge concern. Insuring a whole family of dependents really drains your paycheck and feels like a superfluous expense until a family member ends up in the hospital. I will finish the school year, which ends May 22nd. Hopefully, Isaiah will be home at this point. After that, we have a little over two months on our apartment lease. I will try to find some kind of temporary work here (if that is even possible right now) to provide for our needs during that time. Unless some miracle, excluding Gilbert Public Schools hiring me back, occurs, we hope to move back to Spokane. Family has offered to help, and I so appreciate that right now; still, I long for the day when we don't have to live so much off of people's help. Once in Spokane, I will do what I need to do to become a substitute teacher and try to find an evening job as well.

Please pray for me. This was the straw that broke the camel's back for me. We have so much on our minds right now, and I didn't want to have to think about this right now. I have never felt as disillussioned about education in Arizona as I do right now, and I still have six and a half weeks left to fulfill on my contract. There is such a thing as teacher morale--sorry to those of you who think we are overpaid for the amount of time we work--and that morale has dropped greatly. The sadness on my campus among students and all teachers is almost tangible. I am very disappointed that I couldn't just finish the school year before finding out. Knowing that they are letting me go at the end of the year makes motivation all the more difficult. It was already difficult, having a newborn in the NICU. Pray that God would really open doors even wider to allow us to move back to Spokane confidently. Pray that God would continue to floor us in the way that He provides in unexpected ways. Finally, please pray for my mindset. I am very weary and worn out from the last few months. I am tired of people telling me about providence and God's hand in it because I already know that. That doesn't make anything easier when you are in the midst of the crucible. Please just pray that the Holy Spirit would convince me of those truths that God uses "all things." Right now, I so desperately wish I could see the use of the things we are enduring. I trust that the time will come on either this side or the other side of heaven.

Thank you for your prayers. They are much appreciated and needed.