Year in Review (First Year in Spokane)

It has been a very long time since I wrote anything here. I won't make any specific promises, but I would like to start doing more with my blog(s) and less with facebook.

Today is my son's fifth birthday. He is such a tremendous blessing:

• I see the Lord working in his tender heart.



• He starts kindergarten in less than a month.



• I am starting to read a little out of the book of Proverbs with him each day in the hope that he will become a young boy of wisdom, wisdom that can only come from the Lord.



• He loves to read and is a good memorizer.



• He does amazing impersonations. Unfortunately for his mom, he has his daddy's sense of humor.

• He has a real heart of compassion; for instance, he will not leave his and his brother's bedroom in the morning until we come to get them because he knows that his little brother will get upset if he is left in his crib alone. Though he tends to idolize a daily group of toys/objects, I have seen him give up one of those items when his little brother is upset.



• He loves his younger sister as well and seems to have a sense of sadness when they are not together.

• Now, if we could just get him to overcome his terror of dogs and blueberries.

The rest of the family is doing well. In fact, I am daily blown away by the fact that God would bless me with such living extensions of grace in my corner as I fight the fight of faith.

Life has definitely been a fight. Circumstantially, though many good things have come, I am having an awful run at it. I have not been able to find work to provide for my family, yet I worked a great number of 50-60 hour weeks. Both of my jobs (subbing and custodial) shut down for the summer. I have been turned down for a couple prospective teaching jobs for which I and many others prayed heavily. That always hurts!

Still, God always provides some way. However, I have to constantly kill off the lies in my mind that tell me that I am not a man, that I am cursed, or that my family deserves a better husband and father. I have had a few gracious and godly people remind me that I am doing everything that I can and that God is using this to grow me in tremendous ways.

This is not meant to sound arrogant at all, but I get teary-eyed when people talk about how they see God working. I think this is because it humbles me. It humbles me because I often think that life has become pointless and that no matter what I do, and no matter what dream I pursue, things are going to remain hard. I am prone to pessimism and grumbling, and when I reflect on my heart during this almost two-year trial, I am honestly ashamed.

Nevertheless, I am blessed by the encouragement because the words are true. God is doing a work. God is using this to sanctify me and mature me. I am encouraged because it is all God's doing. His power is displayed in weakness. He holds me in his grip when my heart has all but thrown in the towel (2 Corinthians 12; 1 Peter 1:5). No one or nothing can snatch me from his hand. No one or nothing can separate me from his love.

Tomorrow, I am going to go into a temping agency, hoping that I can find steady employment eventually. Maybe I will end up working in the office of a paper company with a clueless boss who really thinks the world of me.

Seriously though, I have no idea what direction my life is headed career-wise and financially, but there are a few things I know: God's love is great. I want to proclaim and show that love to my family, my church, my friends, and to the lost.